A Plea for Help

When I was a young'un, back in the late '80s, I heard a tape of a comedy bit in which a metal-shop-esque instructor teaches the practical ins and outs of torture--a play on the US training of torturers in Central America. I can remember a couple of lines:

"The first thing you're going to need is a big table. I prefer metal because it lasts longer..."

"Now just put the cigarette into their navel. Slides in soft, just like butter. Oh, it hurts, don't you worry about that..."

Does this sound familiar to anyone? It's been bugging me for a while--outside of those two lines, I can't remember anything about it: who the artist was, the title, how long it was, whether I heard an excerpt or the whole bit, etc. I've googled both those lines (and reasonable variations) and came up empty-handed, so now I'm turning to the real experts, the Bloggonians. Any suggestions?